Do you still have your period?
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Randomize
