i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
