I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
