I need help removing her.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Randomize
