I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
she told me i tasted like america
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
