My hand turned me down
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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