my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
