Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
