And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Randomize