i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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