so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
