her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
