I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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