For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
