Your face is a jimmy john
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
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