Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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