he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
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