im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
