hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
