we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Randomize
