Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
