I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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