some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Soap is not a condiment
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
