Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Randomize
