$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Randomize