For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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