hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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