I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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