Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
