So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Randomize
