when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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