we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
being pregnant is like rehab
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
