Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
