Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
