the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
