just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
