a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I have peed in a lot of sinks
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