tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
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