What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize