so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I will pee on everything he values.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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