Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
