Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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