Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Randomize
