My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
