i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Randomize
