her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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