pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
