that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
