she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I'm just crazy horny about you
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
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