Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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