Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
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