My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Randomize
