i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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