I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
