Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
