He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
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