Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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