Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
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