ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
