My liver just broke up with me...
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Randomize
