Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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