I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
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