I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
