you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize