This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
