I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I have tasted many bathrooms
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Randomize
