No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
There's always time for handjobs
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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