she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
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